i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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