flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
