i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
