Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
