I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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