Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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