It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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