So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
