Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
