why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
