I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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