It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
