We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
