I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
