She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
