these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
someone owes me an orgasm
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
