There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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