I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well I just put wine in my tea
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
