your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
