I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
