I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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