when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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