we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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