if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
