My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
