Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
