you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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