dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
