You don't have asthma, your pregnant
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
