OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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