Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
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I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
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I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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