Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
