i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
