I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
