you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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