I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
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We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
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I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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