i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
