Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
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You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
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YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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