I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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