I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
