That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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