dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
