Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
