I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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