not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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