I think im going to throw up on grandma
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
