Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
