Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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