Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
