Where did you get a picture of my penis
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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