I am midnight drunk by noon
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
