thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
