and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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