her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
