he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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