so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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