another moral hangover. fuck.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
