I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
