sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
