The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
