good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
