You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
There are leaves in my underwear?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
