If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
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I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
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Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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