What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
