how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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