woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
