dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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