someone threw a dead crab at me
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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