I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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