the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
