OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
