dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
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At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
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Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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