is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
