All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
