it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
