Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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